Category Archives: Pets

Certified Innocent (According to Them)

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Life with cats is nothing of not entertaining.

The Innocence Project

It’s time for an installment of the The Banner & Balboa Show: Starring Two Cats and One Exhausted Human

The Quirky Lives of Banner and Balboa: A Household Run by Cats

Every cat owner knows the truth: you don’t live with cats — you simply coexist with tiny, furry agents of chaos who believe your home is their personal amusement park. And honestly? They’re not wrong.

Scrolling through Facebook the other day, I saw a meme that said:
“You’re not a cat owner until you hear something crash at 3 a.m. and decide it’s a problem for tomorrow.”
And I thought… yes. Yes, that is the entire biography of my household.

Because if there’s one thing Banner and Balboa excel at, it’s quirks. Endless, baffling, hilarious quirks.

The Morning Indy 500

Every morning, without fail, the boys kick off their day with what I can only describe as the Feline Grand Prix.

The track layout changes daily, but the highlights include:

  • Up the cat tree
  • Over the TV stand
  • A dramatic leap over the cat fountain
  • A full‑speed sprint down the hall
  • A victory lap into the bedroom
  • And then… repeat.
    And repeat.
    And repeat.

Coffee doesn’t wake me up.
The thunder of tiny paws does.

Banner: The Social Butterfly With a Heated Seat Obsession

Banner is the friendliest cat on the planet. He would greet a burglar with a head‑butt and a purr. Delivery drivers? His best friends. Random dog walking by? He’s already planning a meet‑and‑greet. I swear, if I ever lose him, he’ll be in someone’s yard introducing himself like he’s running for office.

But his real quirk?
The stove.

The moment the oven turns on, Banner materializes like a summoned demon and plants himself directly on the stovetop. Not near it. Not beside it. On it. Because apparently nothing warms his royal backside quite like preheating to 350°.

I’ve tried explaining the concept of “danger” to him. He disagrees.

Balboa: The Dramatic Artist, Professional Nap Innovator

Balboa, meanwhile, is a creature of comfort and questionable decisions.

One afternoon, I walked into the kitchen and found him curled up — peacefully, smugly — inside a glass bowl. A bowl meant for salad. A bowl that was absolutely not meant to contain a 14‑pound panther‑cat. But there he was, looking like a furry croissant, proud of his new life choice.

He also believes the bed belongs entirely to him. If I get up in the night, he immediately stretches out to full length like he’s claiming territory for the crown. Returning to bed becomes a negotiation.

The 3 A.M. Symphony

Every cat owner knows the sound.

That unmistakable, horrifying, adrenaline‑spiking noise:
Huuuuurk… huuuurk… HUUURK.

Forget alarm clocks. The sound of a cat about to puke will launch you out of bed with Olympic speed. Too bad it always happens at 3 a.m., when your brain is still buffering.

And of course, once you’re up, Banner and Balboa assume it’s breakfast time. Or playtime. Or “let’s stare at the wall for no reason” time.

Doors? Cabinets? Mere Suggestions.

Need a bit of light? Banner will turn it on for you. He’s mastered the art of flipping the switch with his teeth, leaving behind tiny bite marks as his signature. Nothing like walking into a room at 3 a.m. to find the lights blazing and Banner looking very pleased with his electrical handiwork.

Light Switch with Banner’s tooth mark

Both boys have mastered the art of opening things that should remain closed.

Cabinet doors? Easy.
Bedroom doors? Child’s play.
Privacy? A myth.

When Balboa was little, he used to squeeze under the counter next to the dishwasher like a tiny mouse. Now that he’s too big to fit, he simply opens the cabinet under the sink and climbs in that way.

Banner, meanwhile, sits outside the opening like he’s watching a nature documentary. He can stare at that hole for hours, waiting for Balboa to reappear like a groundhog predicting spring.

Life With Cats: A Comedy, A Mystery, A Warm Fuzzy Mess

Living with Banner and Balboa means:

  • Never eating alone
  • Never sleeping alone
  • Never having a moment of silence
  • And never, ever being bored

Their quirks are ridiculous, inconvenient, and occasionally hazardous to my sanity — but they’re also the reason the house feels alive.

Because at the end of the day, nothing beats a warm purr, a head‑butt, or the sight of a cat proudly sitting in a bowl he absolutely does not fit in.

Life with cats isn’t perfect.
But it’s perfectly theirs.

 

A Day in the Life of a Cat‑Owned Human

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No one sulks better than Balboa

The Nighttime Opera & Ribcage Choreography

Some days, I swear Banner and Balboa hold secret meetings to plan my downfall. Today was one of those days.

After a night of absolutely no sleep — Banner performing his midnight opera and Balboa practicing his interpretive dance across my ribcage — I thought I’d grab a nap. A simple nap. A human right.

But no.

The Recliner Betrayal

The power went out for TMLP’s pole work, which meant my recliner was frozen in the upright position like a stubborn monument. So I crawled back into bed, hoping for ten minutes of peace.

That’s when the chaos began.

Chaos Begins: The Water Fountain Crisis

Banner immediately launched into a full‑volume monologue louder than anything he does at night.

He was deeply offended that his royal water fountain had gone silent.
Back and forth he went, inspecting the spout like a tiny plumber.
A single tap on the bowl confirmed his suspicions — and he still wouldn’t take a sip.

The Feline Olympics (Bed Edition)

Balboa turned the bed into a racetrack, sprinting back and forth like he was training for the Feline Olympics. Nothing I did calmed them. Not petting, not bribery, not pleading with the universe.

1st Nap attempt: Denied.

Bathroom Acoustics: Banner Discovers the Tub Echo

I left the bathroom door open. After all, it wasn’t night time and it’s usually open during the day. Big mistake. Banner redirected his efforts from the water fountain to the medicine cabinet. Then he resumed his serenade in the tub. Cries echoing throughout the apartment.

Balboa Adds Counterpoint

Balboa moved to the headboard, racing back and forth and joined in with counterpoint meows.

 

2nd Nap attempt: Denied.

The Printer Incident: Balboa’s Sneak Attack

Later, once the lights came back and I was trying to work on the printer, Balboa pulled his final stunt of the day: he snuck onto my chair just as I was sitting down.

Squash.
One startled human.
One flattened panther‑cat.
Zero apologies from the guilty party.

Ultimate Sulk Fest: Balboa, Wronged Panther‑Cat.

No one sulks better than Balboa

Life With Cats: Zero Peace, Maximum Love

And so it goes.

Life with cats: no sleep, no naps, no personal space… but somehow, still worth every chaotic minute.

 

Nighttime Horrors: A Cat Mom’s Descent Into Sleepless Madness

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my sleep deprived morning ritualThe Sleep Deprivation Olympics (I’m Winning… Unfortunately)

I’m running on 3.5 hours of sleep, and honestly, at this point I’m not sure if I’m awake or just hallucinating in HD. Ever since we “sprang forward,” Banner has decided that nighttime is the perfect time to reinvent himself as a one‑cat Broadway production.

Balboa, shockingly, is the calm one at bedtime. This is the same cat who sprints down the hallway like he’s reenacting The Fast and the Furious: Feline Drift, but come bedtime? He becomes my personal sleep therapist. He sits by my head, stares at me like a disappointed Victorian father, and waits for me to assume the “correct position.” Then he curls up on my hand, presses his face into mine, and purrs like a tiny, furry white-noise machine. I’ve grown dependent on this. I’m not proud.

Meanwhile, Banner Begins His Nightly Performance

Banner refuses to get into bed. That would be too easy. Instead, he begins the Symphony of Increasingly Urgent Meows, starting soft and sweet and escalating until it sounds like he’s reporting a murder.

I turn on the light. I get out of bed. And there he is — perched on top of the dresser like a gargoyle who pays rent. The moment I stand, he hops down and climbs onto the bench next to the bed, ready for his nightly petting session with the rubber mitt.

 

 

 

 

 

So I pet him. I tell him he’s a good kitty, remind him it’s bedtime. I tell him to stop crying. He purrs so hard his whole body vibrates like a furry jackhammer. But I can’t do this too long or he starts biting the glove like he’s trying to “encourage” me. I don’t want to find out what the next level of encouragement looks like.

The 3 A.M. Bathroom Adventure

Eventually he settles… until my bladder betrays me around 3 a.m.

I keep the bathroom door closed at night because Banner LOVES the acoustics in there. He sounds like he’s auditioning for Cats: The Shower Edition. And if he’s not singing, he’s knocking everything out of the medicine cabinet like a tiny, destructive raccoon.

But now I have to open the door. I keep the lights off, hoping to sneak in and out without waking anyone. Foolish. Banner follows me in every time, hops into the tub, and refuses to get out. I can’t close the door because His Royal Stubbornness is lounging in the tub like he’s at a spa.

The Bed Situation (Or: Why I Sleep on 6 Inches of Mattress)

Balboa has now migrated to the exact center of the bed. I squeeze myself onto the edge, trying not to squash him. He will not move. He trusts me far too much.

I’m just drifting off again when I hear something behind the headboard. Banner is up to something. Nothing good ever happens behind the headboard. I turn on the light to investigate. Banner has finally left the tub, so I quickly close the bathroom door.

And that’s when I hear it.

Ack (you know the sound), ack, and one more ack for good measure.

The universal sound of a cat preparing to ruin your life.

It’s 3 a.m.
Banner has produced a hairball.
Balboa is sitting upright in the center of the bed like he bought tickets to this show.

Do I Even Try to Sleep Again

I check the time. My brain is fully awake. Banner is trotting around like nothing happened. Balboa is bright‑eyed and ready for breakfast.

Should I even bother trying to go back to sleep?
Probably not.
This is my life now.

At this point, I’ve accepted that I don’t sleep — I simply take short, involuntary cat‑supervision breaks throughout the night. Banner and Balboa run the household. I’m just the exhausted human who pays the rent.

 

Banner, Balboa, and the Curse of the 13th

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Friday the 13th Musings — February & March Edition

It’s the first Friday the 13th of 2026. The month is February. So far it’s been quiet and no major issues. This is the first of three Friday the 13ths this year, which makes it a very special year — or at least a very interesting one.

Peace reign in the home as Banner and Balboa cat nap

February

The universe behaved.
The cats behaved.
Even the weather behaved.

Suspicious, in hindsight.

And then, on February 23rd, Mother Nature apparently remembered she had a reputation to uphold. She dumped a heavy, wet, back‑breaking load of snow on New England and buried us all. A Friday‑the‑13th vibe… just arriving fashionably late.

The dig out begins following the blizzard of 26

March

March didn’t bother with subtlety. It wasn’t even Friday the 13th yet when I woke up to no service on my cell phone. I’d been hacked. Again. These things happen — I shared the whole sad tale in my March 11 post — but apparently March was just laying the groundwork.

Then came Thursday, March 12, when the cats decided to contribute their own brand of “help.”

Banner makes his get away

First, Banner strolled over and hit the delete key at the exact, precise, worst possible moment of a data transfer. I took that as a sign to step away and wait for a quieter, cat‑free moment.

He claims he was framed.

But Balboa had other plans. He emerged from his afternoon nap full of energy and mischief, and in short order he destroyed four — or was it five — mice.
Not the fuzzy, long‑tailed kind.
The kind I actually need to use with my computer.

By the time he was done, I had a small graveyard of plastic mouse parts and one very proud panther‑cat.

Friday the 13th

And then came the big day.

Friday the 13th started quietly enough. We even managed to wrestle Instagram into submission — successfully, I might add — which should have been my first clue that the universe was saving its energy for something else.

Feeling productive, I decided to make a quick grocery run. Lasagna was on the menu for Saturday, and I needed ricotta cheese. While I was there, I grabbed a couple of small extras. Total bill: $19.00.

Until my card was declined.

I had checked my balance before leaving the house. Plenty of money. No reason for drama. Yet there I was, standing at the Hannaford checkout with a perfectly good grocery order and a very uncooperative debit card.

Since I had to drive right past the bank on my way home, I stopped in. And that’s where the real Friday‑the‑13th twist revealed itself:
the bank had accidentally printed — or attempted to print — two replacement cards when mine was hacked. So they canceled the one I was using. The one in my wallet. The one I had just tried to use to buy ricotta.

Which means, of course, that I now get to go through all my auto‑payments and update the card number… again.

Two Down, One to Go

So that’s February and March. A quiet start, a snow ambush, a hacked phone, feline sabotage, and a bank‑card fiasco — all before we even reach the halfway point of this “special” year.

We’ll see what November brings.
Stay tuned… the calendar isn’t done with us yet.

 

March in New England

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The Month New Englanders break from Winter into Spring Chaos

March Madness, Spring Fever, and the Cats Who Run This House

March in New England is a strange, wonderful, chaotic time. One minute we’re shoveling snow, the next minute we’re celebrating the first day of spring, and somewhere in between, the entire region collectively loses its mind over March Madness.

Yes, I knew it was a big deal.
Yes, I knew it involved basketball.
But I didn’t realize just how seriously New Englanders take it until I saw a news story about companies setting up break‑room watch parties on company time.

Excuse me… what
People get paid to watch college basketball at work
Only in New England.

So What Is March Madness

For anyone else who’s been living under a cozy blanket with a box of tissues (hi, it’s me), here’s the quick version:

  • It’s the NCAA Division I men’s college basketball tournament
  • 68 college teams from all across the United States
  • Single elimination — lose once and you’re out
  • It runs from mid‑March to early April
  • It’s one of the biggest sporting events in the country

It’s not a New England invention, but you wouldn’t know that from the way we treat it. Between UConn fans, bracket pools, and the general “we survived winter, let’s celebrate something” energy, March Madness might as well be our unofficial regional holiday.

Meanwhile, Spring Sneaks In Early

I always think of spring arriving on March 21, but this year the equinox showed up on March 20, probably because even the universe is tired of winter and wants to get things moving.

New England, of course, will respond by giving us:

  • one warm day
  • one cold day
  • one rainstorm
  • and a surprise snow squall just to keep us humble

Yes it's March in New England if its not mud its still snow.

But on the calendar at least, spring is here.

Balboa: The Fastest Paw in the East

While all this seasonal excitement is happening, Balboa has declared war on my last surviving computer mouse. He’s the Fastest Paw in the East, and he takes that title seriously.

Today’s crime
I dared to vacuum during his nap.

He stomped out of the room like a tiny, offended emperor, tail flicking dramatically. I had to issue a formal apology in the form of treats. He accepted, but only after giving me the look — the one that says:

“You may continue living here, hooman, but your behavior will be monitored.”

Now he’s back on the desk, supervising this post and occasionally taking swipes at the mouse like he’s auditioning for a martial arts film.

Banner and the Case of the Missing Hair Band

While Balboa is busy waging war on technology, Banner has discovered a new hobby: elastic hair bands.

During a recent bathroom decluttering session, I found an old stash of them.
Banner thought he had won the lottery.

He carried one around the apartment, talking to it like it was his long‑lost friend. Then he took it into the bathtub — his personal gladiator arena — and tossed it around like he was training for the Hair Band Olympics.

And then… it vanished.

I looked everywhere.
Under furniture.
Behind furniture.
Inside the furniture.
Nothing.

The only conclusion I can come to is that once he finished playing with it, he ate it like a tasty little spaghetti noodle.

So that’s it.
No more hair elastics for Banner.
He cannot be trusted with them.
He has lost his hair‑band privileges indefinitely.

March in New England: A Summary

  • Basketball fans are losing their minds
  • Companies are letting employees watch games at work
  • Spring is arriving early
  • My nose is running a marathon
  • Balboa is plotting the downfall of all computer mice
  • Banner is eating hair accessories like snacks

Honestly, it feels about right.