Back Bay Archives

Filed by Anchors Banner & Balboa Dateline: Commonwealth Avenue Mall, Boston.. WMEO 9 We Meow-You Listen

🎙️ Banner (Orange, Overcaffeinated, Zero Chill):

LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND ALL WHO APPRECIATE A GOOD PARADE OF ABSURDITY— We interrupt your regularly scheduled bird‑watching to report that Boston has officially lost its mind.

Moving trucks are clogging Back Bay again, but instead of college kids hauling futons, they’re unloading elephants. Not real ones. But 100 life‑sized elephant sculptures, which is somehow even more chaotic because you can’t bribe them with peanuts to move.

I repeat: ONE HUNDRED ELEPHANTS. FIVE BLOCKS. This is the greatest thing to happen to Boston since someone finally fixed the Green Line.

I attempted to climb one for “journalistic purposes” but was removed by a volunteer who said, and I quote, “Sir, please stop narrating loudly.” I regret nothing.

🎙️ Balboa (Black, Soft‑Spoken, Perpetually Worried):

Thank you, Banner. I would like to reassure viewers that these elephants are friendly, quiet, and unlikely to bite—unlike some anchors I could name.

The installation is part of The Great Elephant Migration, a global fundraising initiative bringing awareness to conservation efforts. The sculptures will line the Commonwealth Avenue Mall, creating a peaceful, tree‑lined corridor of gentle giants.

I personally inspected the scene. The elephants appear sturdy, respectful, and uninterested in stealing anyone’s kitty grass. I approve this event.

However, I must note that the moving trucks were loud, and I hid behind a hydrangea for several minutes. This is normal. This is fine.

🎙️ Banner (interrupting):

BALBOA HID BEHIND A HYDRANGEA. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

🎙️ Balboa:

Please ignore him. We encourage all residents to visit the installation, take photos, and appreciate the artistry—while also remembering that climbing the elephants is not allowed, even if you are a very handsome orange cat with a press badge.