A love story between me, my keyboard, and the typos that betray me
I Type Like I’m Defusing a Bomb
Let’s get this out of the way:
I am a hunt‑and‑peck typist.
Not a casual one.
Not an occasional one.
A lifelong, committed, two‑fingered warrior of the keyboard.
My typing style is 10% accuracy, 90% determination, and 100% “please don’t look at me while I’m doing this.”
If I keep my eyes glued to the keyboard, I can produce something that resembles English.
But the moment — the moment — I glance at the screen?
My sentence transforms into a ransom note assembled by squirrels.
My Typos Have Typos
I don’t just mistype words.
No, no.
My typos are so bold, so creative, so aggressively wrong that autocorrect just throws its hands up and walks away.
I try to type “affiliate program.”
My fingers: affilaue progeam
Which sounds less like a business opportunity and more like a medieval plague.
I try to type “invited.”
My fingers: incited
Suddenly the email isn’t welcoming me — it’s starting a riot.
I try to type “wrong answer.”
My fingers: wring answer
Which is… ironically correct.
Honestly, my keyboard should qualify for hazard pay.
The Keyboard Is My Frenemy
We have a complicated relationship.
I rely on it.
>I fear it.
>I suspect it judges me.
Every time I sit down to type, the keyboard sighs like, “Oh great, here she comes. The woman who types like she’s playing Whac‑A‑Mole.”
And yet… we continue.
Together.
In chaos.
Looking Away Is a Crime
Touch typists can look at the screen while typing.
They can even carry on a conversation.
Some of them can type without looking at all.
Meanwhile, if I look away for one second — ONE — my sentence becomes:
“Thsi si a greta idae adn I’m suer it wlil mkae snese.”
I don’t type words.
I type word scrambles.
But Here’s the Thing…
Despite all this, I still write blog posts, emails, stories, and entire volcanic rants.
>I still show up.
>I still type.
>I still create.
I’m not a bad typist.
I’m an adventure typist.
And adventure typists have the BEST stories — because half the time, we have no idea what we just typed until we scroll back and gasp.
So if you’re a fellow hunt‑and‑peck typist out there, squinting at your keyboard like it’s a treasure map…
Welcome.
You’re among friends.