Florida Looked Good… Until the Flying Cockroaches

 

At my age, if I wake up and nothing hurts, I assume I’m dead. My knees are getting to the point where they ache even when I’m lying in bed at night. That walker in the corner from my hip replacement is starting to look pretty good these days. And now my shoulders have joined the chorus.

At first, I blamed the cold weather — snow, sub‑zero temps, the whole New England winter package. Suddenly, Florida was looking really good. I was serious enough that I actually considered selling my condo and heading south.

 

But then reality set in.
Sorry, JR… looks like any move is officially on hold.

There are plenty of reasons to think twice about relocating to the Sunshine State. And no, I’m not even going to get into the political atmosphere — we’ll leave that simmering on the back burner.

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Florida Wildlife (a.k.a. My Deal‑Breakers)

The number one reason I’m having second thoughts? Palmetto bugs.

I hate — no, that’s not strong enough — I abhor cockroaches. We had an issue in our building here in Taunton this year, but at least the management company jumped on it immediately and brought in pest control. I have NEVER lived anywhere with bugs, and I have no intention of starting now.

So what are Palmetto bugs?
Well, imagine giant flying cockroaches. That’s it. That’s the whole horror story.

And if that’s not enough, Florida also has killer bees, fire ants, swarms of mosquitoes, and snakes. Really big snakes. The state is being invaded by pythons and anacondas. In the immortal words of Indiana Jones: “Snakes… why did it have to be snakes?”

 

Then there’s Florida’s unofficial mascot: the alligator. They don’t bother me too much — they were there first, after all. The whole state is basically one big tropical swamp. You might even spot a Skunk Ape on a lonely road at night if you’re lucky… or unlucky.

 

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More Reasons to Skip Florida

I gave up on Hawaii because the cost of living was outrageous, and Florida seems determined to follow in its footsteps.

1. The cost of living can outpace your budget

Housing prices are soaring, homeowners’ insurance is skyrocketing, and the overall cost of living keeps climbing. The median home value is already higher than the national average, and insurance premiums are only going to rise thanks to hurricanes, tropical storms, and rising sea levels.

2. The heat and humidity can get oppressive

Your utility bills will shoot through the roof as you try to survive the summer with nonstop air conditioning. “Hot and sticky” becomes a lifestyle.

3. Health care isn’t as accessible as you’d expect

You’d think a state full of retirees would have a seamless health care system — but that’s exactly the problem. The demand is enormous, especially in big cities. Long wait times, crowded facilities, and high costs are common.
A study from Fidelity Investments estimates that a 65‑year‑old couple retiring in Florida would need around $315,000 just for health care in retirement.

4. Fraud is a real concern

Florida has some of the highest rates of elder fraud in the country. According to the FBI’s 2024 Elder Fraud Report, seniors lost $4.8 billion nationally — and Florida was in the top three states for losses. Not exactly comforting.

5. No income tax sounds great… until it isn’t

The lack of state income tax means the state has less money to invest in infrastructure. Florida earned a “C” rating from the American Society of Civil Engineers. Aging roadways, limited public transit, and inadequate wastewater systems don’t exactly scream “retirement paradise.”

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Bottom Line

For now, I’ll stay put and deal with the cold and snow. Massachusetts isn’t the best state for retirees — it’s expensive, and winter is no joke — but we have excellent health care, and I have my condo. I’m settled, at least for the moment.

 

And honestly? Waking up with a few aches and pains may not be fun… but it’s still better than waking up next to a giant flying cockroach.

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