The Internet Is Full of Cute Cats… But None Like Mine
The internet is overflowing with adorable felines.
There are the upside‑down cuddlers, Doug the 1‑der Cat and his lobster alter‑ego, the Business Cats, and the Canadian trio — Pudding, Onyx, and Olive — who run the Oreo Cat empire. Milo and Poppy (the black cat who never blinks) always deliver drama, and Maisie is the newest chaos intern in that household. Walter the Wizard Cat casts spells daily. If you displease him you will be sent to the *VOID*
I love them all.
But none of them — none — get into the kind of nonsense Banner does.
Banner’s Resume: Director of Illumination
You may recall Banner’s 3 a.m. hobby: turning on the bathroom light.
Not with a paw tap.
Not with a gentle nudge.
No — with bite marks in the switch.
Every light switch in this house is now in protective custody behind child‑proof covers. Banner considers this a personal challenge.
Nanaki, the orange upside‑down kitty, might give him a run for his money — Nanaki recently learned to turn on the oven.
Meet Nanki and his long suffering hooman
Banner hasn’t figured that out yet, but he does enjoy warming his behind on mine whenever it’s on. So we’re… halfway there.
And Now: Head of Printer Operations
But here’s where Banner truly sets himself apart.
Banner has decided the printer is his personal chaos button, and he is committed to pressing it at every opportunity.
This cat has exactly two modes:
- Sleeping like a Victorian child in a painting
- Causing administrative disasters
He’s not trying to print anything.
He’s summoning the Paper Spirits.
In his little cat brain, the logic is simple:
“I push this button, and the house makes snow.”
Incident #1: The Paper Blizzard
The first time he found the print button, I got one blank page.
Not ideal, but survivable.
When I returned home later, the entire paper tray was empty. Pages were scattered across the floor like confetti after a parade. The culprit? Snoozing peacefully in the bedroom, pretending innocence.
Incident #2: The Full Diagnostic Suite
A couple days of peace passed.
Then Banner apparently thought:
“I haven’t caused any chaos lately.”
I heard the printer whir to life.
There he was — sitting smugly on top of it like a tiny furry CEO.
I expected another blank page.
Nope.
He triggered a full diagnostic.
Four pages of printer diagnostics.
A full‑color test page.
And then — because he’s thorough — a one‑page printer report.
At this point, the printer needs a warning label:
“Not cat‑proof. Not even a little.”
Banner’s IT Career Begins
This cat isn’t playing anymore. He has:
- Initiated a system audit
- Run a diagnostic suite
- Possibly applied for a job in IT
Honestly, the printer should automatically stamp each page:
“Triggered by: Banner the Menace.”
Emergency Protocol: Power Button
That was the last straw.
I turned off the power button.
They say most cats never figure out power buttons — they’re too flush, too boring, and they don’t make satisfying noises. Banner prefers the chaos buttons: the ones that beep, whirr, and spit out paper like a Vegas slot machine.
But on my printer, all the buttons are flush… and he’s already mastered those. I may not be safe unless I unplug the machine entirely.
Banner’s Troubleshooting Sequence
If he tries again, I fully expect him to follow the classic cat IT protocol:
- Stare at printer
- Tap it once
- Tap it harder
- Sit on it
- Yell at it
- Walk away like he never cared
He may not have been able to change the lightbulb for me, but he can run my printer like an IT pro.
The Printer’s Future Looks Grim
Who knows what he’ll get into next — especially once he borrows the orange cat brain cell again. Whatever he thinks of next, I just hope it doesn’t involve electricity, diagnostics, or anything with a paper tray.
Banner and his old printer before it bit the dust. I wonder if it got clogged with orange cat hair?