Banner: Good evening, Taunton WMEO is tracking the aftermath of the nor’easter that tore through the region this past weekend. Streets are flooded, debris is scattered across neighborhoods, and reports of property damage are coming in in torrents. Cleanup crews are already out, but conditions remain hazardous — and one very determined field reporter insisted on “getting the real story.”
Balboa: We told him not to go outside. We all told him not to go outside.
Cut to Pumpkin Spice, live in the field: 
Pumpkin Spice: “This is WMEO field reporter Pumpkin Spice, live on location. Conditions are… damp. Very damp. Extremely damp. I have seen wetter days, but only from inside the bathtub.”
Banner (back in studio): Pumpkin, why are you out there? The storm has already passed.
Pumpkin Spice: “Jim Cantore would be out here. I am honoring the tradition.”
Balboa: He said that with the seriousness of a cat applying for a mortgage.
Pumpkin Spice: “I attempted to open my umbrella. It immediately surrendered. I am now using it as a morale prop.”
Banner: Pumpkin, please come back inside. You’re dripping on the microphone.
Pumpkin Spice: “I will return when the situation stabilizes. Or when my fur dries. Whichever comes first.”
Balboa: So… never.
Banner: WMEO will continue monitoring cleanup efforts across the region. Please stay safe, avoid flooded streets and downed wires, and do not — under any circumstances — imitate Pumpkin Spice.
Pumpkin Spice : “I regret nothing.”
